The journey of pregnancy is one that is held close to our hearts, cherished, treasured and remembered deeply.
My oldest, my first baby, my mini me….. just kidding, she is an >absolute< spitting image of her father, but she is my reason. My reason for educating myself about birth, babies, bodies and the power of choice.
I became a doula and a childbirth educator because of her.
My journey with her started years before she came into this messy, breathtaking world. I, like so many women around the world, have PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. If you were to ask me what that was 10 years ago I would have shrugged my shoulders with a look of absolute confusion.
Well, I have been educated but that is another story for another time.
After trying, praying, calculating, trying some more, and making the (at the time) difficult decision to bring my amazing OB into the mix we were finally getting somewhere.
Rounds of medications, negative tests, months of blood work, and another trip to the nurse’s station for yet another test seemed to be the new normal. I remember feeling so hopeful, nervous, and anxious to hear those results, which would ultimately break my heart in two.
I vividly remember getting the call about my blood results while at work. It broke me. I try really hard to always be professional and welcoming – because well, that’s who I am and literally what I did for work, but I couldn’t. I shut my front office door, called my husband and texted my best friend. Who, thankfully at the time worked just down the hall from me. She came, sat, listened, cried, and held me as I wept.
THE JOURNEY IS HARD.
Weeks later, something changed inside. I felt weird. I can’t tell you how or why, because honestly I don’t remember. But I decided to test again at home.
Positive? Impossible. My doctor called, my numbers were too low, it didn’t take, and I didn’t work. But they were wrong. I work. My body worked. I was pregnant!
THE JOURNEY WAS WORTH IT.
My pregnancy was TOUGH, like a lot of fist time moms I discovered the joys of pregnancy nausea, through my ENTIRE pregnancy, mind you. The heartburn, exhaustion, constipation, cholestasis (that’s were you itch, profusely. All THE TIME.) I felt that I learned about ALL the things.
However, I also discovered the indescribable feeling of love for something my husband and I created, before I even laid eyes on it. I learned about fetal movements and those sweet little kicks and flips. I learned about self-care and taking special moments for me to rest. I discovered that powerful, immense feeling when you find what your body is capable of.
So after ten, very long, very anticipated months, and WEEKS of unrelenting itch- we decided to induce. Fifteen long hours of Pitocin, continuous fetal monitoring, and a very unenthusiastic epidural that was encouraged so I could rest, baby girl made her entrance at 11:55 PM, 15+ hours after arriving to the hospital.
PHEW, THAT JOURNEY WAS LONG.
My second, my little baby boy, his story is a little different. We didn’t try, plan, have tests, or even have doctors involved. God just decided to surprise – I mean, bless us with this little miracle all on his own. This pregnancy was pretty similar, not so much itch but just as much nausea.
I felt completely out of control and absolutely out of my element at the hospital during my daughter’s birth, we decided to go a different route and found a midwife to deliver this one at a local birth center. She and her team were absolutely incredible just like my previous OB. I am so thankful for professional, caring, and compassionate individuals at every turn.
Baby boy came all on his own. At 40 weeks and 1 day in a quiet, dimly lit birthing center tub with only a handful of people. His delivery was easy peasy, as my favorite five year old would say. After laboring at home most of the day, we headed to the birth center around 9PM, I was in active labor for under an hour before holding him in my arms, and we were home in bed only a couple hours later.
Our close friend always jokes, “it was like you left to go get a pizza but came home with a baby.”
I love both of my births. They were special, unique, enlightening and so empowering in such distinctive ways.